36 weeks pregnant

And the size of a small island. I'm uncomfortable, I can't sleep, I have heartburn all the time..

But I'm so incredibly grateful to be pregnant at all, to have got this far with you. I was thinking back to those dark early days when I was in a haze of worry and fear, and was worried that somehow that fear has crossed over to you and made you tense. I'm only going to think positive calm thoughts now until you're born. I'll take all of these horrible symptoms and more if you'll just be born - calm, happy and perfect.

You're so big now, but still moving all the time. You wake with a start just after I do, practise breathing in the evenings then get hiccups. You shift from one side to the other and stick your bum out just like your brother did, but always head down now. Focused, I hope, on the way out.. Sometimes you move so vigourously I worry you'll hurt yourself, or get tangled in the cord that connects us - feet and knees poking out and ripples across my stomach that amaze everyone.

The other night I couldn't sleep and found myself in your nursery, just sitting in the dark. I remember doing the same when I was pregnant with your brother - daring myself to imagine you there, in the crib, breathing and moving and smelling of newborn. Imagining myself holding you, feeding you in the night, rocking you in my arms. You're so close I can almost touch you. But suddenly I stop, not allowing myself any more imaginings... just in case.

I'm longing for you now. Really physically longing for you - I want to hold the feet that are pushing under my ribs, I want to kiss them. I want to see your face, hear your breathing next to my ear. We're ready for you.