Waiting

I never did have any patience. My brother and I would always search out the Christmas presents from their hiding places early, and I'm fairly sure it was me that instigated the searching. I never had the patience for the 2 week wait between possible conception and pregnancy testing.. it never got any easier. Then the waiting for the scans, the tests, the all-clears... I was not good at any of that waiting. Wanting to know NOW, immediately.

Now, a worse kind of waiting. Waiting for my baby to arrive. I have no control over it - maybe that's the problem. I remember sitting here waiting for my little boy to arrive and feeling the same thing. This time it's worse as I can't sleep. Not at all. Despite being so tired I'm swaying - I cannot get to sleep. I've been like this now for four days. It's not helping. I'm willing her to make an appearance, pleading with her. Nothing. I still have a week to go but I don't know if I can wait that long. Am wondering what the reaction would be at the hospital to a weeping, chronically fatigued, enormously pregnant woman demanding to be induced. I think they'd send me home and tell me to 'rest'. Ha. I can't remember what that is. All I know is I want to hold her now. I want to see her and hear her breathing, watch her chest move and look into her eyes. I'm longing for her. Grant me patience.